Starting something new…

This is tough. This year has been a lot of new. Fursuit. Starting my PhD. Finding the most beautiful girl. Planning my wedding. So many wonderful things, including this. But this is also the toughest.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for 6 years now. I remember first bringing it up to my husband in bed over Christmas. I felt embarrassed, ashamed a little. I played it off as more of a, “Oh this is a funny idea, and would be fun” kinda deal. I investigated it seriously for a while, but then dropped it as other things came up. A couple years ago I investigated it again, a little more seriously, making a personal database of information. I even contacted one of my big inspirations personally. But it fell off again as I was ending my masters. Now I’m actually starting, and with the help of the most supportive girl and my husband I’m going to see where this goes. Tomorrow morning.

I’m going to be taking feminizing plant extracts and manual techniques to grow my breasts.

Eck…that felt weird to type. Even a little gross. And I know that stems a lot from pre-existing impressions of what a masculine personification should be, and what a male body should be. A little bit from the fear of what others will say, and a little from the fact that I want to share the journey publicly (at least, queer/furry circle publicly). A lot of ignorance.

I don’t even know where to start with introduction as to why. I think the why and the fears are why this is so tough. So this post will be pretty messy as I try to find a place to begin. Hopefully with time I can take it apart and find some order.

How about…who am I?

My name is Aaron, and I go by Nasi online. I’m a PhD student in entomology, and masters graduate. I’m happily married. Surrounded by amazing friends. Part of the furry community. I’m a fursuitor. I love rock climbing, hiking, science, reading, nature, cooking. A positive and optimistic person. Honest, open, and love to help. Pansexual. He/They/She (evolving).

Why now?

Finding one of the most important people in my life was a big push. Nix, thank you. That’s not to detract from all my husbands done for me. His support has been incredible. He’s been there to talk to. He encouraged me all the way through, since the very beginning six years ago. Especially now he’s been so supportive in letting me know it’s okay and he’ll be with me through it. But Nix was the push in giving me additional resources, in her face brightening up when it was first mentioned, in her saying how hot she thought it was and how much she wanted to actively help. Having the two of them together is really the reason why now.

You’re still a guy?

Yes. And it’s one of the reasons I’m scared. It’s one of the reasons why I’m not doing full HRT. And one of the reasons why I’ve taken so long to start this journey. I never want to detract from the struggles of the greater queer community I’m a part of. I am a guy, and I’m happy to be identified as that, but what I’m comfortable with is much more than that. I guess they or them is more appropriate, but that defines so much and he/him is still a lot of what I am. That’s a lot of ignorance on my part, but that’s all a part of this journey too.

If I’m happy with my body, why am I doing this?

I am happy with who I am and what I look like. Sometimes I feel like my desires are unfair to the greater queer community who struggle so much. But, while I am happy, I am not exactly who I want to be. Who that is I’m still working out, but it’s not exactly what I am now. I’ve put hundreds of hours thinking about this since discovering the fandom and learning more about my sexuality, and this is the next step. I know that.

Are you sure? Is it safe?

Yup and yup. When I say I’ve put hundreds of hours into this I mean it. I scoured the internet for as many resources as I could. That includes utilizing my university journal access to read as much primary literature as I could. I did my best to find unbiased and objective testimonials. People not connected with products or brands, people just sharing their experiences. Of course, investigating and questioning it medically, including medical professionals. The program I’ve made is based on all this research, is a slow and steady gain intended to make sure monitoring and adjustment is a priority. I’m in no rush, I’m serious about this.

Why write this blog?

Several reasons. First, there is a sever lack of personal accounts and sharing of information with regards to any kind of transition, particularly with anything outside of HRT. Until this year I had never found a large, independent resource for this. I want mine to be one of them, a free, open account of my journey. One that also allows for community discussion, open to comments, and email provided.

What and when?

I’ll be sharing everything I can think of. Anything related to my journey: a lot of personal information, my life, experiences, sex and sexuality. From my personal program, to my thoughts and feelings, and even progress photos. Might even start a vlog. I’m not going to shy away, and like I say I will be open for comments and questions too. I’ll be looking for help along the way. I hope to build a community that can rely on me, I can rely on, and can rely on each other. I’m going to aim to do two blog posts every Sunday. One for thoughts, one for my program and progress photos. There will probably be more thrown in there too, especially if I have something specific on my mind.  Gonna try to keep it around 1000 words.

With that said I’m already over! Like I say a messy introduction. But one to get everything out before I start in the morning.

Cheers,

Nasi~